The Guano Islands Act

The Guano Islands Act (48 U.S.C. ch.8 §§ 1411-1419), passed in 1856, was federal legislation intended to ensure a steady supply of crap for America. The first section of this Act states,

"Whenever any citizen of the United States discovers a deposit of guano on any island, rock, or key, not within the lawful jurisdiction of any other Government, and not occupied by the citizens of any other Government, and takes peaceable possession thereof, and occupies the same, such island, rock, or key may, at the discretion of the President, be considered as appertaining to the United States."

My guess is that Congress generates a sufficient quantity of guano these days for this law to be unnecessary.

From the Department of Repetitive Redundancies Department

Henderson, Kentucky, appears to REALLY want to protect their birds. Here are two related ordinances:

"Sec. 6-3. Pursuing, injuring, killing of animals and birds.
No person shall shoot at, kill, or otherwise pursue, kill, or injure any squirrel, rabbit or other game, or any songbird, or other bird, or fowl within the limits of the city.
(Code 1968, § 90.05)

Sec. 6-4. Use of birds and fowl as live targets.
No person shall keep or use any live pigeon, fowl or other bird for the purpose of a target, or to be shot at, or as a test of marksmanship, or shoot at any bird or fowl kept or used as beforesaid, or be a party to any such shooting, or knowingly rent any building, shed, room, yard, field or premises or knowingly permit the use of any building, yard, shed, room, field or premises for the purpose of such shooting.
(Code 1968, § 90.06)"

Maybe I miscounted, but I think that was EIGHT times they said "don't shoot at a bird."

Public Toileting

Okay, here's one from Dallas, Texas, that is perfectly legitimate and sensible, but can be twisted every way imagineable:

"31-18. URINATING OR DEFECATING IN PUBLIC.
(a) A person commits an offense if he urinates or defecates:
(1) in or on a public street, alley, sidewalk, yard, park, building,
structure, plaza, public or utility right-of-way, or other public place; or
(2) in public view.
(b) It is a defense to prosecution under this section if the person was in a restroom. (Ord. 14971)"

So if you are waiting in line at the DMV and wet your pants, aside from being embarassed, you have committed a crime? And if you stand in front of your bathroom window to toilet, it's okay, since you are in a restroom? I'll leave more twisting to your imagination.

And This Extra is Needed Why?

In Preston, Idaho, "It is unlawful for any person to wrongfully harvest or otherwise take the beans, cabbage, corn, peas or other crops of another within the city limits of the city." (Code Section 9.54.010 )

So they passed an ordinance making stealing crops a crime? Were the state laws against stealing not good enough for them?

Walk Across Bridges

Mississippi has an old law (Miss. Code Ann § 65-7-41) that "It shall not be lawful for any person to drive a wagon, carriage, or other vehicle of any description drawn by animal power or to ride, leap, or drive any horse, mule, or any description of cattle over or upon any bridge erected in any county by authority of the board of supervisors or in a city, town, or village at a faster gait than a walk; and every person so offending shall be guilty of a misdemeanor and, on conviction, fined five dollars."

I doubt that anyone gets fined for this these days, since the statute goes on to say, "But the board of supervisors or municipal authorities shall cause to be fixed up and kept at each end of the bridge, in some conspicuous place, a board on which shall be painted in large letters, 'five dollars fine for riding or driving any animal over this bridge at a faster gait than a walk'; and on neglect of such notice, such fine shall not be incurred."

After many years in this state I have yet to see such a sign "fixed up and kept" on any bridges.

Untended Animals in Massachusetts

Some laws are obviously old and obsolete, and should just be presented in their entirety. Massachusetts General Law § 49:24 is one of these:

"Every field driver shall take up horses, mules, asses, neat cattle, sheep, goats or swine going at large in the public ways, or on common and unimproved land within his town and not under the care of a keeper; and any other inhabitant of the town may take up such cattle or beasts so going at large on Sunday, and for taking up such beasts on said day the field driver or such other inhabitant of the town may in tort recover for each beast the same fees which the field driver is entitled to receive for taking up like beasts."

So the "field driver" can get a fee for taking up certain untended animals roaming at large in town. Private citizens may do so, but only on Sundays. So was Sunday the field driver's day off?