No Crazy Drunks in our Town

In Brentwood, Tennessee, a permitee can lose his license to sell beer if he allows beer to be sold to an insane person. (Brentwood Code of Ordinances Sec. 6-62) These days, how could you tell?

Oh, this ordinance also requires separate "sanitary toilet facilities" for men and women. Did Brentwood have a problem at one time with unisex bathrooms? This ordinance was passed in 1993, so there may have been someone back then who opened a bar with a regular bathroom, instead of two separately-designated bathrooms.

Don't Look!!!

In Corinth, Mississippi, you may not be a spectator at any event in which a wild animal is wrestled. (Ordinances Sec. 6-14)

More Urinating Prohibitions

According to the Baker, Montana, Code Sections 9.76.010 & .020, "It is unlawful for any person to urinate in any of the streets, avenues, alleys, sidewalks and other outdoor areas and at any place not designated as a restroom within the city. "

So don't let your children "go" in the backyard. The penalty is a fine of from $25 to $500, and up to ten days in the city jail, or both.

Is This Really Needed?

According to the Bluefield, West Virginia Code of Ordinances (Sec. 9-5), "No person shall expectorate or urinate upon another person or upon any sidewalk or other public property, or in or upon any taxicab or other public vehicle carrying passengers for hire."

These are certainly bad things, but what went on in Bluefield for the municipality (in 1958) to decide there had to be a law specifically outlawing this behavior?

More Nuisances

In Hemet, California, a LONG list of items is declared to be a public nuisance, most of which make sense. One or two seem to take the concept a bit far, however. Section 30-32 of the Code of Ordinances designates nuisances, including parking lots maintained so as to become unsightly (#10), an accumulation of dirt in landscaped areas (#11), "unsound" skateboard ramps (#16), and a building which may endanger the health of its residents due to "filthy tenants." (#30)

Distribution of Obscene Materials

In Arkansas, it is a misdemeanor to possess obscene material (Ark. Stat. § 5-68-405). Distribution of obscene material, on the other hand, is a felony. Not only that, but simply telling someone "when, where, how, or from whom or by what means any of these things can be purchased or obtained" is also a felony, under the same statute.

So if you know of a company that sells obscene materials, don't you dare tell anyone in Arkansas!

Make Sure Your Magazines are Complete

In Illinois, you may not sell a newspaper, magazine, or other periodical if the cover or the title page has been removed (§ 720 ILCS 380/1), "except in bulk as waste paper."

Good thing you don't have to keep your newspapers and magazines intact to sell them as waste. Some of them are already trash to start with.

No Billiards on Sunday

In Corinth, Mississippi, city ordinance section 5-28 prohibits operation of a poolroom or billiard room on Sunday.

More Vagrants

Section 9.44.010 of Baker, Montana's Code of Ordinances contains, among others, these people defined as vagrants: ". . . every idle and dissolute person who wanders about the streets at late or unusual hours of the night, . . . every person who habitually misspends his time by frequenting . . . poolrooms, . . . every lewd and dissolute female person who shall [in public] conduct or behave themselves in an improper, drunken, profane or obscene manner," and every person carrying a concealed weapon.

All of them vagrants! I suppose an upstanding woman, excuse me, female person, can behave in a profane manner and not be considered a vagrant?

More Dancehall Regulations

In Hemet, California dancehalls, city ordinances section 6-23 states, "Lighting shall be maintained in the dance area at any time an establishment is open to the public so any individual with normal sight can clearly see and identify any person across the dance floor area."

So don't you dare turn those lights down low for that romantic slow song!

No Outhouses

In Baker, Montana, the city ordinances forbid having a "outdoor privy or outhouse." Fortunately, there is an exception for houses that do not have sewer service in the street or alley adjoining the property. (Code of Ordinances Chapter 9.12)

Are these people not familiar with the concept of septic tanks?

Poolroom Construction

In Corinth, Mississippi, a billiards room must be considered a den of iniquity. Ordinances Section 5-26 provides that any poolroom must be on the first floor of a building. Not only that, but it must be "constructed and arranged that any person on the sidewalk outside such room can see without obstruction throughout the same; and no curtains, drapes or any other means shall be used to obscure vision into such room."

Guess they want to make sure than anyone base enough to enter a poolroom should be exposed! Funny that liquor stores are not required to be set up so that anyone walking past can see who is in one.

Dude, Where Are My Keys????

In Hemet, California, city ordinance Sec. 78-105 provides that you cannot leave your car "unattended on any street, alley, used car lot or unattended parking lot without first stopping the engine and removing and taking the ignition key from the vehicle." Okay, so you can't go to the Post Office and legally leave your car with the motor running while you check your mail. It may be dumb, but most places don't outlaw dumb.

The ordinance goes on to provide that "Whenever any police officer shall find any such motor vehicle standing in violation of this section, such police officer is authorized to remove the keys therefrom and deliver the keys to the police station." So if you forget and leave your keys in the ignition, and then you can't find them later, they might be at the police station. Of course, it's only natural for you to look for lost keys at the police station, right?