Protect the Flag!!

According to the Illinois Flag Desecration Act (§ 720 ILCS 620/1), it is a misdemeanor in Illinois to have an American flag printed on a shopping bag as a decoration.

Dancing in North Carolina

The Ahoskie, North Carolina Municipal Code (Secs 34-211 et seq) provides that anyone who wants to hold a dance must have a permit. All dances must end by midnight, Saturday night. No permit will be issued for a dance on Sunday, unless New Year's Eve falls on a Sunday. (New Year's Eve dances may end at 1:00 a.m. on Sunday.)

Not only that, but unless the dance is held by "any bona fide civic, patriotic or fraternal club, church, private or public school or any other charitable organization," the permit fee has to pay for three police officers to supervise the dance! Interesting that dancing on Sunday is bad, but a church-sponsored dance is okay.

Novelty Lighters

Want a gigarette lighter shaped like a pistol, or an animal, or with a flashing light on it? New ones are no longer available for sale in Mississippi. According to Miss. Code Ann. Sec. 45-10-3, "A person may not sell at retail, offer for retail sale or distribute for retail sale or promotion in this state a novelty lighter."

So what is this offensive "novelty lighter?" It's a lighter "that is designed to resemble a cartoon character, toy, gun, watch, musical instrument, vehicle, animal, food or beverage, or similar articles, or that plays musical notes, or has flashing lights for entertainment or has other entertaining features." (Miss. Code Ann. Sec. 45-10-1) Antiques are okay, since ones produced prior to 1980 are excluded.

Aren't we glad that government protects us from such evils as cigarette lighters that play music?

The Guano Islands Act

The Guano Islands Act (48 U.S.C. ch.8 §§ 1411-1419), passed in 1856, was federal legislation intended to ensure a steady supply of crap for America. The first section of this Act states,

"Whenever any citizen of the United States discovers a deposit of guano on any island, rock, or key, not within the lawful jurisdiction of any other Government, and not occupied by the citizens of any other Government, and takes peaceable possession thereof, and occupies the same, such island, rock, or key may, at the discretion of the President, be considered as appertaining to the United States."

My guess is that Congress generates a sufficient quantity of guano these days for this law to be unnecessary.

From the Department of Repetitive Redundancies Department

Henderson, Kentucky, appears to REALLY want to protect their birds. Here are two related ordinances:

"Sec. 6-3. Pursuing, injuring, killing of animals and birds.
No person shall shoot at, kill, or otherwise pursue, kill, or injure any squirrel, rabbit or other game, or any songbird, or other bird, or fowl within the limits of the city.
(Code 1968, § 90.05)

Sec. 6-4. Use of birds and fowl as live targets.
No person shall keep or use any live pigeon, fowl or other bird for the purpose of a target, or to be shot at, or as a test of marksmanship, or shoot at any bird or fowl kept or used as beforesaid, or be a party to any such shooting, or knowingly rent any building, shed, room, yard, field or premises or knowingly permit the use of any building, yard, shed, room, field or premises for the purpose of such shooting.
(Code 1968, § 90.06)"

Maybe I miscounted, but I think that was EIGHT times they said "don't shoot at a bird."

Public Toileting

Okay, here's one from Dallas, Texas, that is perfectly legitimate and sensible, but can be twisted every way imagineable:

"31-18. URINATING OR DEFECATING IN PUBLIC.
(a) A person commits an offense if he urinates or defecates:
(1) in or on a public street, alley, sidewalk, yard, park, building,
structure, plaza, public or utility right-of-way, or other public place; or
(2) in public view.
(b) It is a defense to prosecution under this section if the person was in a restroom. (Ord. 14971)"

So if you are waiting in line at the DMV and wet your pants, aside from being embarassed, you have committed a crime? And if you stand in front of your bathroom window to toilet, it's okay, since you are in a restroom? I'll leave more twisting to your imagination.

And This Extra is Needed Why?

In Preston, Idaho, "It is unlawful for any person to wrongfully harvest or otherwise take the beans, cabbage, corn, peas or other crops of another within the city limits of the city." (Code Section 9.54.010 )

So they passed an ordinance making stealing crops a crime? Were the state laws against stealing not good enough for them?