Rockets "Go Boom" Too Much?

On June 21, 2006, the US Consumer Product Safety Commission issued recall #06-191 for the "Thunderstick Rocket" fireworks. They were overloaded with flash powder and could explode with a greater force than expected, injuring nearby consumers.

They are rockets. The whole point of them is to launch them into the air, where there are no "nearby consumers." That probably explains why, out of 61,200 packages of six rockets sold, no injuries had been reported.

Sorry to have disappeared for awhile. I hope to be back on schedule with this blog now, posting 2-3 times per week.

Leave Your Neighbor's Horn Alone

In University City, Missouri, Section 10.32.100 of the Municipal Code prohibits honking the horn of another person's car without permission. (Yes, it actually says you may not "sound the horn.")

A Bit Overbroad?

Sometimes good intentions do not cover up the fact that statutes can cover just about anything under the sun. Take Tennessee's harassment statute, 39-17-308, for example. It protects people from being threatened or harassed, and House Bill 300 (2011) made some amendments so that the law applies to social networks, among other changes. Great, right?

Here's the effect of some of the language. "A person commits an offense who intentionally . . . communicates with another person by [telephone, in writing, or electronically] without legitimate purpose, with the malicious intent to frighten [and] as a result . . . the person is frightened."

So you post a picture on YouTube calculated to scare people - just for the heck of it, since you like to scare people. Sounds like you have committed a crime if someone in Tennessee sees the image and gets scared! They wanted to cover all their bases, but they managed to cover a few more bases than they had planned.

Skunk Farms?

Section 75-40-1 of the Mississippi Code prohibits the importation of live skunks for sale. Fear not, because it does not apply to the sale of live skunks to persons outside the state by a skunk farmer approved by the USDA. Honestly, I am not aware of any skunk farms in Mississippi. How bad would a skunk farm smell, anyway?

Don't listen to your MP3 player in a Hampton dance hall!

In Hampton, Virginia, Section 4-22 prohibits public dance halls from being open from 2:00 a.m. until 9:00 a.m., 7 days a week. Not only that, but it is unlawful to play any music in a public dance hall during those hours. It applies to live music and any music "by mechanical devices of any nature." So if you sit in a public dance hall after 2:00 a.m. listening to your MP3 player, you are committing an unlawful act, so beware!

Bikes Through a Parking Lot Prohibited!

Section 16-4 of the Mayfield, Kentucky Code of Ordinances prohibits driving a bicycle through the parking lot of a business, except for business purposes. So no cut throughs for those delinquent bicyclists.

So what exactly does this mean?

According to § 314 of Title 9, Chapter 8 of the California Penal Code, it is a misdemeanor to wilfully and lewdly assist a person in making an exhibition of himself, adapted to excite to vicious thoughts or acts. It's considered obscene. Anyone have a guess as to what this actually prohibits?

Protect the Flag!!

According to the Illinois Flag Desecration Act (§ 720 ILCS 620/1), it is a misdemeanor in Illinois to have an American flag printed on a shopping bag as a decoration.

Dancing in North Carolina

The Ahoskie, North Carolina Municipal Code (Secs 34-211 et seq) provides that anyone who wants to hold a dance must have a permit. All dances must end by midnight, Saturday night. No permit will be issued for a dance on Sunday, unless New Year's Eve falls on a Sunday. (New Year's Eve dances may end at 1:00 a.m. on Sunday.)

Not only that, but unless the dance is held by "any bona fide civic, patriotic or fraternal club, church, private or public school or any other charitable organization," the permit fee has to pay for three police officers to supervise the dance! Interesting that dancing on Sunday is bad, but a church-sponsored dance is okay.

Novelty Lighters

Want a gigarette lighter shaped like a pistol, or an animal, or with a flashing light on it? New ones are no longer available for sale in Mississippi. According to Miss. Code Ann. Sec. 45-10-3, "A person may not sell at retail, offer for retail sale or distribute for retail sale or promotion in this state a novelty lighter."

So what is this offensive "novelty lighter?" It's a lighter "that is designed to resemble a cartoon character, toy, gun, watch, musical instrument, vehicle, animal, food or beverage, or similar articles, or that plays musical notes, or has flashing lights for entertainment or has other entertaining features." (Miss. Code Ann. Sec. 45-10-1) Antiques are okay, since ones produced prior to 1980 are excluded.

Aren't we glad that government protects us from such evils as cigarette lighters that play music?

The Guano Islands Act

The Guano Islands Act (48 U.S.C. ch.8 §§ 1411-1419), passed in 1856, was federal legislation intended to ensure a steady supply of crap for America. The first section of this Act states,

"Whenever any citizen of the United States discovers a deposit of guano on any island, rock, or key, not within the lawful jurisdiction of any other Government, and not occupied by the citizens of any other Government, and takes peaceable possession thereof, and occupies the same, such island, rock, or key may, at the discretion of the President, be considered as appertaining to the United States."

My guess is that Congress generates a sufficient quantity of guano these days for this law to be unnecessary.

From the Department of Repetitive Redundancies Department

Henderson, Kentucky, appears to REALLY want to protect their birds. Here are two related ordinances:

"Sec. 6-3. Pursuing, injuring, killing of animals and birds.
No person shall shoot at, kill, or otherwise pursue, kill, or injure any squirrel, rabbit or other game, or any songbird, or other bird, or fowl within the limits of the city.
(Code 1968, § 90.05)

Sec. 6-4. Use of birds and fowl as live targets.
No person shall keep or use any live pigeon, fowl or other bird for the purpose of a target, or to be shot at, or as a test of marksmanship, or shoot at any bird or fowl kept or used as beforesaid, or be a party to any such shooting, or knowingly rent any building, shed, room, yard, field or premises or knowingly permit the use of any building, yard, shed, room, field or premises for the purpose of such shooting.
(Code 1968, § 90.06)"

Maybe I miscounted, but I think that was EIGHT times they said "don't shoot at a bird."

Public Toileting

Okay, here's one from Dallas, Texas, that is perfectly legitimate and sensible, but can be twisted every way imagineable:

"31-18. URINATING OR DEFECATING IN PUBLIC.
(a) A person commits an offense if he urinates or defecates:
(1) in or on a public street, alley, sidewalk, yard, park, building,
structure, plaza, public or utility right-of-way, or other public place; or
(2) in public view.
(b) It is a defense to prosecution under this section if the person was in a restroom. (Ord. 14971)"

So if you are waiting in line at the DMV and wet your pants, aside from being embarassed, you have committed a crime? And if you stand in front of your bathroom window to toilet, it's okay, since you are in a restroom? I'll leave more twisting to your imagination.

And This Extra is Needed Why?

In Preston, Idaho, "It is unlawful for any person to wrongfully harvest or otherwise take the beans, cabbage, corn, peas or other crops of another within the city limits of the city." (Code Section 9.54.010 )

So they passed an ordinance making stealing crops a crime? Were the state laws against stealing not good enough for them?

Walk Across Bridges

Mississippi has an old law (Miss. Code Ann § 65-7-41) that "It shall not be lawful for any person to drive a wagon, carriage, or other vehicle of any description drawn by animal power or to ride, leap, or drive any horse, mule, or any description of cattle over or upon any bridge erected in any county by authority of the board of supervisors or in a city, town, or village at a faster gait than a walk; and every person so offending shall be guilty of a misdemeanor and, on conviction, fined five dollars."

I doubt that anyone gets fined for this these days, since the statute goes on to say, "But the board of supervisors or municipal authorities shall cause to be fixed up and kept at each end of the bridge, in some conspicuous place, a board on which shall be painted in large letters, 'five dollars fine for riding or driving any animal over this bridge at a faster gait than a walk'; and on neglect of such notice, such fine shall not be incurred."

After many years in this state I have yet to see such a sign "fixed up and kept" on any bridges.

Untended Animals in Massachusetts

Some laws are obviously old and obsolete, and should just be presented in their entirety. Massachusetts General Law § 49:24 is one of these:

"Every field driver shall take up horses, mules, asses, neat cattle, sheep, goats or swine going at large in the public ways, or on common and unimproved land within his town and not under the care of a keeper; and any other inhabitant of the town may take up such cattle or beasts so going at large on Sunday, and for taking up such beasts on said day the field driver or such other inhabitant of the town may in tort recover for each beast the same fees which the field driver is entitled to receive for taking up like beasts."

So the "field driver" can get a fee for taking up certain untended animals roaming at large in town. Private citizens may do so, but only on Sundays. So was Sunday the field driver's day off?

Herding Animals in Texas

Abilene, Texas, a city famous for its old time cattle drives, stopped the drives in 1965. City ordinance section 6-12, passed in 1965, provides that "The driving of herds of animals, other than dogs, cats or other domesticated pets, along or upon any street, avenue or alley of the city is hereby prohibited."

I would like to see someone driving a herd of cats through Abilene, or any other city, for that matter.

Serious About Roller Skating

Ansonia, Connecticut, is serious about regulating roller skating.

Under Section 22-1 of the Municipal Code of Ordinances, public roller skating rinks may ONLY be on the first floor of a building. Section 22-2 states that the chief of police may allow a licensed rink to be on another floor, however.

Section 22-8 requires a policeman to be on duty in a licensed roller skating rink. They must be rowdier than skating rinks I've seen.

Section 22-9 specifies the type of skates that may be used. I wonder if you would be ejected if you bring your own skates and they don't meet specs.

Finally, Section 22-10 requires a weekly fire drill.

And This is Needed Why?

Ada, Oklahoma requires anyone cleaning a sanitary sewer in the city to file a bond with the city. (Sec. 42-501. Sewer cleaner's bond)

Define "Buttocks"

Define the word "buttocks." Webster's defines "buttock" as "1. the back of a hip that forms one of the fleshy parts on which a person sits; 2. the seat of the body." Simple enough, right?

Quincy, Florida, has ordinances relating to how much of a person's body may be exposed without being considered unlawful or nudity, which is not unusual. Quincy also has a section of their code that defines "buttocks," and it is worth quoting, if only to show how much time someone spent on this . . .

"(c) Buttocks. (For a short general description see the last sentence of this subsection.) The area at the rear of the human body (sometimes referred to as the gluteus maximus) which lies between two imaginary straight lines running parallel to the ground when a person is standing, the first or top of such line being one half inch below the top of the vertical cleavage of the nates (i/e., the prominence formed by the muscles running from the back of the hip to the back of the leg) and the second or bottom such line being one half inch above the lowest point of the curvature of the fleshy protuberance (sometimes referred to as the gluteal fold), and between two imaginary straight lines, one on each side of the body (the "outside lines"), which outside lines are perpendicular to the ground and to the horizontal lines described above and which perpendicular outside lines pass through the outermost point(s) at which each nate meets the outer side of each leg. Notwithstanding the above, buttocks shall not include the leg, the hamstring muscle below the gluteal fold, the tensor fasciae latae muscle or any of the above-described portion of the human body that is between either (i) the left inside perpendicular line and the left outside perpendicular line or (ii) the right inside perpendicular line and the right outside perpendicular line. For the purpose of the previous sentence the left outside perpendicular line shall be an imaginary straight line on the left side of the anus (i) that is perpendicular to the ground and to the horizontal lines described above and (ii) that is one third of the distance from the anus to the left outside line, and the right inside perpendicular line shall be an imaginary straight line on the right side of the anus (i) that is perpendicular to the ground and to the horizontal lines described above and (ii) that is one third of the distance from the anus to the right outside line. (The above description can generally be described as covering one third of the buttocks centered over the cleavage for the length of the cleavage.)

Code 50-38(c)"